The 150th Kentucky Derby!

Moistened Ladies! Salty Gentlemen!  It’s the annual running of the KENTUCKY DERBY shall be celebrated with a gregarious devotional in balmy Brooklyn. This fabulous bash is open to all who enjoy the aimless, orthodox demands of tradition.  The prodigious amusements include:

PETE’S PADDOCK, a glade of horse sense, where the uninitiated may banish their ignorance and infer with abandon.

The HOOKER’S HANDICAPP, an overly poetic monument to the host’s ego.

The beloved IDIOT STAKES, where a dollar makes a winner of a loser.

A delectable PIE CONTEST, where the city’s best bakers compete for hefty $$ cash prizes.

A heady HAT CONTEST, to be judged by a fully enlightened Buddhist monk.

A sweet game of chance, PIN THE SKIRT ON THE FILLY, in which tipsy celebrants insert a rectal charm into a horse’s ass.

 …and, of course, PARIMUTUEL PASTIMES to comfort the cold passage across this uncaring Earth.

The festivities will last until the last horse crosses the finish line. Dress like you goddamn mean it!

BRING YOUR GUMPTION AND GREENBACKS!